I hate your face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
