I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The uberlube is also flammable
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
