You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize