I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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