It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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