I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
