Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
