dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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