just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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