no you cant smoke seaweed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize