***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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