I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
