is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
