I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
