I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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