I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
