Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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