dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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