Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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