dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
a search helicopter?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
