So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
