THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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