Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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