Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
