If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
