I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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