Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
