cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
