Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
