Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
