dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
