It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So. Much. Porn.
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