Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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