508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize