omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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