I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
