I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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