so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
