HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
