Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
