he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
