Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
