he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize