I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
