farters have to be the big spoon...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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