you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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