All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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