Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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