I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
