Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
