Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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