We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
