the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
