the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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