No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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