I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
