we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
