The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
