Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
