there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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