he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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