He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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