Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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