I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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