I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
