put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
