I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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