You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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