is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
