i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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