you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Did I show you my penis last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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