I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
