after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
