help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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