He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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