I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
