We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
