So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize