You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
