Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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