This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
