no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
