she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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