I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
