I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
