He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
