end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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