just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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