so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
