Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
