I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
