margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
someone get that fucking seahorse.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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