I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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