I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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