Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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