i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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