Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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