if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
