Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
