My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize