Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
