he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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