it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
