It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
