You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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