i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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