you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
