Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
