I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
